


Let’s not talk of love or chains or things we can’t untie

by ChronicBookworm



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Awkwardness, F/F, Gen, It's orphan black of course there's trust issues and secrets, Missing Scene, Post-Break Up, Season/Series 03, Secrets, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-16 09:27:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7262398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChronicBookworm/pseuds/ChronicBookworm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cosima trusts Delphine, but she’s betrayed them before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let’s not talk of love or chains or things we can’t untie

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Marie_L](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marie_L/gifts).



> Set early in season 3.

 

_You know my love goes with you as your love stays with me_  
_It's just the way it changes like the shoreline and the sea_  
_But let's not talk of love or chains and things we can't untie_

_\- Leonard Cohen, Hey, that’s no way to say goodbye_

We all have our part to play, Delphine said, and Cosima’s is to cure herself and her sisters. She needs access to DYAD’s information to do it, but. She can’t trust DYAD (not even with Delphine in charge of the project), and she knows they don’t trust her. She’s so fucking sick of always having to look over her shoulder and never being able to trust anyone outside of Clone Club. And even they keep secrets from each other, when they think they need to. Beth knew the most, and she killed herself, leaving the rest of them to scramble to catch up. They’re trying to solve a puzzle in a dark room by touch, with half the puzzle pieces missing, and a few fake pieces thrown in for good measure. And the room is trying to kill them.

She’s only been back at work for a few days now, trying to get back in the swing of it. Scott’s already in the lab when she comes in, running tests and humming under his breath. At least she’s got Scott. DYAD promised her openness, that they’d share the science, that she’s in charge of the project, but she knows there’s still stuff they’re keeping back, about Castor, about the Duncans, the originals. She just hopes it isn’t something that’s going to screw everything up down the road (even though it probably will). They have a shared interest in keeping the clones alive, but that’s it. So they all share as little as they think they can get away with. Even Cosima keeps her cards close to her chest now, not knowing if each thing she holds back is the thing that could help them solve this and fix them, not knowing if each thing she shares is the thing that finally damns her sisters.

Kira’s stem cells have bought her some time, but she knows it’s temporary. Her numbers are looking unnaturally good, and she’ll enjoy it while it lasts. But hey, at least she’s not going psycho like the male clones. Whoever they are. Which is a complication they totally do not need right now. It’s not like they have everything else going to shit in their lives, but hey, whatever. They can cope.

She and Scott are working on identifying the Castor genome when Delphine comes down.

“How are you feeling?” she asks. Neither of them knows how to act around each other now, and it’s awkward and stiff and Cosima hates it.

“Fine,” Cosima replies. It’s not entirely a lie. It’s not entirely the truth, either. Physically she’s fine, and that’s good enough.

“You are taking care of yourself, yes?” Delphine asks.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good, everything’s good,” Cosima says. God, she’s making small-talk with her ex. What is her life?

“I have brought you some files,” Delphine says. “Test results from another clone.”

The name is blacked out. Half the file is blacked out.

“Seriously?” Cosima asks. “How am I supposed to work when you don’t give me enough to work with?”

“I have given you everything you need,” Delphine says. “All the pertinent information.”

“Seriously? Can you even hear yourself? You sound like them now. Like _Rachel_. I thought you were on our side.”

Delphine flinches minutely. If Cosima weren’t so attuned to her she don’t think she would notice, but she is, and she does.

“I am,” she says.

Scott is looking incredibly busy with some samples across the room, trying to make himself look invisible to both her and Delphine. She knows it’s shitty to do this in front of him. She should shut the fuck up and let Delphine get on with it. She doesn’t shut the fuck up.

“Then why do you give me this bullshit?” she says.

“It is not bullshit. You might not believe it, but this is for your safety. The more you know, the more you will be a target. I’m trying to protect you.”

“You can protect me by giving me all the information I need to make my own choices. Like you promised when I joined DYAD. Like you promised Alison and Sarah. Otherwise you’re just trying to control me.”

“That is unfair,” Delphine says, and she’s angry now. Good. Cosima’s angry too. Angry at Delphine, heself, DYAD, at Sarah and Alison for expecting her to always be the science monkey there to fix all their science needs, at Beth for getting her into all this shit. It’s easier to list who she _isn’t_ angry at.

“Then tell me what you’re holding back.”

“I can’t!” Delphine says. “And you are not telling me everything, either. Don’t be hypocritical.”

Cosima thinks of The Island of Doctor Moreau. Of Sarah on the trail of the Castor clones. Of whatever the fuck’s going on with Alison.

“I’ve told you all the pertinent information,” she says, viciously. She’s hoping to a God that she doesn’t actually believe in that she’s not making a terrible mistake.

It’s obvious Delphine doesn’t believe her. But she can’t call her on it without Cosima calling her on her secrets. They’re at an impasse. It would be so satisfying if it were Rachel, if she could finally get to hold something over that bitch, for once have the upper hand (or as close to it as they’re going to get, what with DYAD being a multinational millionaire/billionaire company with connections to lots of important lawyers and politicians and whatever else they have, and Clone Club… not). But it’s not Rachel. It’s Delphine, who should be here in the lab, making crazy science with Cosima, working together to find a solution. Scott’s great, don’t get her wrong, but he’s not Delphine. Maybe, just maybe, it’s a little bit vindictive, not telling Delphine about the book. As close to revenge as Cosima’s going to let herself get.

She hasn’t shared the book with anyone. She will tell Scott about it, eventually. Soon. She could really use his help, and she thinks he won’t tell anyone. Maybe she’ll tell Sarah and Alison, if it becomes relevant. She doesn’t want to give them false hope, and for now the book is just gibberish. If it starts to lead somewhere, then maybe. She won’t tell Delphine. She trusted (trusts?) Delphine. Sarah trusted (trusts?) Mrs S. Cosima knows how easy it is to do the wrong thing for the right reasons.

It’s like they’ve been thrown back in time, to when Delphine was Cosima’s monitor, when she was lying to Cosima, manipulating her into talking to Leekie, going to DYAD, spying on her. Before she chose Cosima over DYAD. Except now she’s chosen Clone Club over Cosima, and shit, fuck, Cosima can’t deal with these shifting loyalties and allegiances. She wants it to be last year, when she and Delphine were working together.

Except last year she was dying. She’s still dying, she’s not really kidding herself about that, but she’s dying more slowly now.

It’s hard to get over someone when you see them, like, every day. Delphine is in the labs, coming down with (incomplete) information, checking up on Cosima, worrying. Don’t get her wrong, Cosima is really glad that it’s Delphine and not Rachel she’s working for, but still. It’s hard. She trusts Delphine more than Rachel, knows that Delphine has the best interests of Clone Club at heart (right?), but she also knows that sometimes the best interests of Clone Club and Cosima’s best interests aren’t the same. And Delphine has chosen Clone Club. Just like Cosima wanted her to. What does trust even mean? She absolutely trusts that Delphine genuinely wants what’s best for her, Alison, Sarah, Kira, and all the other clones as well. But she’s DYAD. She has gone behind Cosima’s back before. With Cosima’s _blood_ , even. If she thought it was in Clone Club’s best interests, she would absolutely betray them. She’d feel bad about it, sure. But she would do it. So maybe Cosima doesn’t trust Delphine, not really. Cosima trusts Delphine to do what she thinks is best, not what Cosima actually needs.

“Just take the files, please,” Delphine says. “And see what you can do with them.”

“Sure, yeah. Anything else you want to not tell me?”

It’s childish, sure, but she can’t help it.

“No, that’s everything.” Delphine, of course, is above everything. She’d never lower herself to childishness. “Thank you.”

She leaves, looking perfectly put together. Cosima kicks the leg of the lab table, then she pulls herself together. She’s got work to do.


End file.
